“I feel completely sad and lost in our marriage,” laments Chandra. “We started out with such a bright future, so in love. Now I’m not sure what we’re doing or where we’re going!”
Her husband, Andrew, looks shocked for a moment. Then he grows thoughtful and says, “You might be right. We’ve been married 8 years and no longer have a clear vision of our lives.”
Chandra and Andrew sit and talk for a few minutes about what to do next. They are energized about changing the current situation. Andrew reaches out to see if his parents can stay with their children for a weekend. Chandra books a quiet place for the two of them to stay. During the two weeks before they leave, they make notes of what they could discuss.
Foundation for a New Vision
Chandra and Andrew arrive at their location and begin to carry out their agreed-upon first task, which was to:
Talk about what they did together before marriage that they really enjoyed and still miss
Share what they love about each other
Update each other on significant details of their lives
They see this as a way to be closely connected with one another at the beginning of the weekend.
Then they dove into what would help them plan their future:
They write down some of their agreed-upon core values, such as providing a good education for their children and spending romantic time together.
They note the goals they would like to achieve individually, in their marriage, and as a family over the next 5 years, and also imagine goals to meet beyond that timeframe.
They discuss the important virtues they want to be foundational to their marriage and family life, such as respect and kindness.
At this point, they decided to spend some intimate time together and enjoy the quiet time without their children.
Writing a Future Vision
After a good night’s sleep, Chandra and Andrew begin by individually reflecting on what they discussed the previous day, and each writes notes about what a marriage and family vision could be for them. They each distill their thoughts into a few sentences and then come together to craft a shared version. They know there will be power and inspiration as they go forward. This is their shared vision:
“We are committed to our marriage vows for all time, and this includes love, faithfulness, and caring behaviors toward each other. We demonstrate unity and harmony with our children and include them in that unity. To maintain that unity, we make time to nurture our relationship regularly. We reach out beyond our home to serve others and encourage our children to do the same. We promise to keep growing individually and together, and we include the assurance that our children will have the best education we can provide for them.”
Is it time to re-create the vision for your marriage? Let us know if you need assistance.
Coach Susanne M. Alexander
NEXT STEPS
If you’d like to become more mindful of how to navigate difficult moments in your relationship, the Accordia Way is designed to support you. It’s a process for making decisions together and overcoming challenges in unity, not by avoiding differences, but by learning to communicate with respect, clarity, and care.
Could your relationship benefit from coaching? We are happy to be of service:
Coach Susanne: Susanne@marriagetransformation.com
Coach Adrian: Adrian@thecoachadrian.com
No-Cost Accordia Way Resources
1. Accordia Way Communication Mirror – a free 60-second check-in tool to help couples notice whether their conversations are respectful, safe, and collaborative over time. https://qrco.de/aw-mirror
2. “Let’s Answer Your Most Pressing Questions Together” – a simple form where you can share real questions and challenges about money, decision-making, parenting differences, and long-term planning. Your submissions help shape future videos and live sessions. https://qrco.de/aw-answer